If You Didn't Make Any Money, Would You Still Be Passionate About This?
Allow me to reintroduce the goal, and how you can be a part of it.
Yo! Thank you for taking the time out of our day to read this. I must warn you that this will be full of thoughts around my identity, my personal journey, and difficulties in important areas I have struggled with for a long time.
If you already know what this is about and you want to get straight to business, click below. If not, read on and decide at the end.
This is my first post on Substack. If you’re reading this because you signed up to my Mailchimp link or Patreon, this might surprise you a little. Or maybe not.
First, you haven’t heard from me in ages, now this? What is going on, you might ask.
Today is the 1st of January. I decided to make my last video on YouTube on November 3rd. I took the time to read, think, get my thoughts together around why I was creating. I felt lost and confused about what I was doing. I had the gear, the drive, the motivation, but I lacked direction. I felt that something was missing from what I was making and I could not put my hands on it.
This wasn’t the first time this had happened, but it was the first time that things were relatively good ( work, my marriage, bills paid, etc) and I felt like a hole in my chest each time I watched my own videos.
It was on a warm Sunday afternoon that I recorded the video announcing my sabbatical. I had just had a disagreement with my wife and I was really upset. However, I had the urge to get the video done and just take a break or sleep—or anything but struggle with this lump in my throat.
So, I did the video, published it and went dark. Spent time with my wife and our dog. What happened next was incredible. Almost exactly a month after I published that video, I got a message from someone I really admired and always wanted to meet.
Cody Wanner, the doer himself came to Pueblo. We had coffee, talked, and he surprised both my wife and me in the process with amazing gifts. You can watch it all here.
This singular moment of validation, from a fellow creator, was such a powerful panacea for what had led me to take the break in the first place.
I have been writing online since 2012. I have fought my parents to write; I fought them to blog. When I moved to the US, I fought my wife because I wanted to create and do only that—no job, nothing ( glad she didn’t let me win).
I have been fighting since I can remember for: my ideas, my dreams, and my goal to make a living with my art. I have read probably a thousand books at this time, written maybe double that number of articles, recorded many hours of audio and video content. I have been creating ever since the day I found I love creating. I have mentioned this many times, but it’s still worth mentioning now:
Cameroon is not the place where you want to be a writer and you’re met with encouragement. Graphic designers, musicians, writers, screenwriters—artists of all kinds in my birth country fight from the moment they’ve chosen their art as their life. A few find jobs that allow them to thrive both financially and as a human. They get to do what they love, what they’ve been working at for years and get paid for it. The larger majority, however, doesn’t get that. I struggled through it and it’s been my personal bane to prove the world wrong —that creatives at all levels, matter. Most people can’t keep up with the fight. I know it too well because I have fallen many times, brought myself up, fallen again.
Over and over.
This journey is for everything in life; anything you really want requires you to do the work. It could be 5 months or 10 years, but it will take the time it will take and you will have to keep showing up every single day. It doesn’t matter whether you’re in Cameroon or the US, because wherever you go, there you are. You can change countries, but your mindset and attitude will still be with you.
For Cody Wanner, a man who encourages the doers, a man who, in 2018, decided to vlog daily and now creates on YouTube full time, for this man to come down to Pueblo and tell me he resonated with what I said, that rocked my world.
I am teary-eyed as I write this because the feeling is still overwhelming.
I have been writing online for 8 years. I have been writing for 17 years. I have been reading since I could read and I have put out enough words to definitely make a book.
I know I have what it takes. The thing is…it’s not that simple.
The world works the way it works and if I don’t do what is needed to get the results I desire, it never happens.
You don’t get what you deserve, you get what you negotiate for.
And for artists like me, we fear we’re not good enough to charge money. It comes out in the way we talk about our work, the way we choose to not market, how we let other people make the price for our art. So we settle.
How do I expect someone to value what I bring to the world if I don’t value it myself?
I struggled to find out why I was creating because I love to create and it fills me with joy when I make the things I could only think of in my head. I also understand, now, that there is abundance in the world and success comes to those who step up and get it, not those who wait for it to come.
I am not more talented than many people who make a living with their art. I am sure you know someone who is living a life, doing what they love. The same people who seem to keep going and getting what they want.
Why can’t I be more like that?
It’s a struggle I have had; one which comes out as anger whenever someone tries to convince me that I should not worry about growing an audience. Or that writing doesn't pay or that I have a long way to go and should take it easy.
No. I would not, and cannot.
I don’t think you’ll be reading up to this point if what I was creating did not have value for you. I also know that until I step up myself, no one will come and give me what I think I deserve. If I didn’t make that video, Cody would never have found me. I would not have connected with Eric Wen. If I didn’t step up at my customer service day job, I would not have had the promotions I got. If I didn’t work on my marriage, I would have failed as a husband. Everything that matters takes time, effort, dedication, and action.
My creativity is an integral part of my being and my goal is to be able to wake up in the morning and create. That’s it. I want my art to pay for my worldly bills and I want the people who pay for it, to receive my best both in value from me and for them.
This is why I am moving today to Substack. if I get one, just ONE subscriber, I will know that I am right to decide to ask my community to support me in return for the kind of content they deserve.
What does that content look like?
A podcast I have always wanted to make: a weekly solo chat where I talk about topics that are dear to me, dissecting my thought process, my truths and the way I really feel, while showing you how I have overcome many personal difficulties and how you can too. Things like relationships, immigration, spirituality and especially my marriage and money (and of course, the creative process). I’ve always wanted to go back to my first love - dissecting ideas on the fly. Now I get to do it, and you get to enjoy the fruits as well.
Long-form in-depth posts like this one when I share what it takes to pursue your dreams in a world where most people’s opinions are that you’re not ready, not qualified or born in the wrong country. My book will be written this year. Your funds will go to pay for professional self-publishing. So, as you enjoy these essays, you will also be able to watch my books come to life and even participate in editing. Who knows?
Less scripted video conversations —including you reading this who just wants to connect and chat about life and connect deeply. Each month, one of my subscribers will be invited to a video conference and that would be the final podcast of the month (if you want). We will talk about anything you want—I can even show you how to start your own podcast or recommend books to read. I don’t mind if you just want to stare at my beautiful face while I drink water in a coffee cup.
Medium has not been working out the way I want. Also, it takes too much time away from focusing on the community I can interact with. I want to start writing my books instead of shooting in the dark of Medium. The money I make there isn’t enticing enough to stay, but because I wasn’t putting in as much energy as I could, I kept trying.
I will keep making YouTube videos and The Loving Creative Podcast. Those will be forever free. I work a day job now and I am about to start college in a few days. I want to make a living with my art. I believe my creativity can fund my lifestyle.
This means if you want to go a step further and fund this creativity, you can support me here on Substack by subscribing to a monthly or yearly plan where you get a more focused, intentional driven version of me.
I will be redirecting all my Patreons to Substack. But if you only want to donate and leave, you can do that on Patreon too.
If I don’t make any money, will I still write?
It’s an empathic yes. I love to write. I love reading even more. I also love talking with people even most! Writing is how I think. When I discuss ideas, I feel alive.
Each day I go to my day-job, I have to rein in a part of me that wants to talk with everyone about the strangest ideas, about movies, about podcasts, anime, about the world, about truth, ideals, love, being human, God. I love ideas. I love to connect. I love to share. I want to do this and I know I won’t back down until I die. I may fall a million times, but I will wake up a million and one times.
Give me a chance to show you what you’ve been missing in your life.
Support me to create for you, while being able to pay for the bills and make the time to write my book this year. I don’t want to wait anymore—and you can help make this happen.
Fund the kind of content that proves the world is a genuinely good place and personal stories still matter. Let me show you what I’ve learned and help you live your dreams.